Fictional Friday - Albus Dumbledore's secret life

Let me get this straight, 

Albus Dumbledore is

• A completely fictitious person, who doesn't really exist;

• A wizard who uses magic instead of technology for everything. I mean, hey, can't be bothered to use a flashlight?

• Wears dresses all the time;

• Keeps a flaming bird in his office and expects it to die and rebirth itself;

• Puts his memories in a bowl instead of keeping them in his head, like normal people;

• Has been known to trick young boys into reliving the memories he put into that bowl;

• Machinates in the background, with this huge plot;

• Waves his magic wand about in public;

• You caught the part about using magic right?

And people have their panties in a bunch because he likes to cuddle with other grown men?

Oh, good grief.