Friday, December 26, 2014

It's a gun, not a condom 4: National Defense against whom?? Canada??

Just a reminder: I'm not anti-gun; I'm anti-stupid. It's a VERY important distinction, and will prevent you from jumping to the wrong assumptions about my message.


Guarding the Borders

One of the tired old yarns I hear about why every American "needs" to own a gun is "national defense."

To which I always reply "Against whom? Canada?"

Sadly, it gets even funnier (in the absurd sense of the word), because the Canadians can't even protect themselves, let alone invade the United States.

The truth is that Americans do not "need" to own guns. No, really - once penis compensation, paranoia, and mental disorders are put aside - they don't. "Want" is an entirely different  issue.

The Military Option

We're NOT going to be invaded!!

The United States has the world's most over-developed military to prevent invasion (and/or go off and invade other countries). Not to even mention the nightmare logistics of trying to launch a meaningful invasion. Hello! Satellites and spyplanes and anyone with an Internet connection will spot the buildup and mobilization months in advance, and the US has missiles and submarines-with-missiles and planes-with-missiles to blow the fuck out of any invasion force long before homeboy-with-a-pistol needs to worry about protecting his homestead.

Civil (and Civilian) Defense

Also, even if the police were not being militarized by the corportist elitists (who push old military equipment out of the military in order to siphon taxpayer money to themselves via the military buying new shit), then we still have some of the best trained civil public safety people in the world. Seriously, the US police academies are a bitch to get into, and a bigger bitch to graduate from. Yeah, there are law enforcement people who make really bad decisions (cough, Ferguson, cough), but armed vigilantes are sure as shit the wrong answer (cough, George Zimmerman, cough).

The civil defense forces become important, because the truth of having a gun in your home simply means someone in your home is more likely to get killed by a gun. Imagine that - bit like saying you're risk of being bitten by a dog goes way up by having a dog in your house: it's a no-brainer. I talked to a guy who bitched about having a gun stolen from his car twice. I asked "was it in a lock box?" Answer: "Hell, no." Okay, so, the question I didn't get to ask was: did they break into your car because they saw a free gun sitting out, or did they break in and discovered "hey, free gun"? And I didn't get to ask: "Where the fuck are you parking that your car keeps getting broken into, and why are you still there?"

Call 911 and let the guys paid to get shot at take the risks of getting shot at. Carrying a gun won't stop you from getting attacked; it merely gives you a chance to escalate the violence level and hope the other guy dies first (and hope there aren't a dozen whackjob vigilante-wannabes nearby ready to run in and shoot you, simply because they have a hard-on to shoot someone and won't stop to ask pesky questions like "which one of you started it?"). Your best plan remains to be smart, avoid risky areas, and make sure your phone can autodial 911. (Of course, with assholes across the country gutting funding for services like 911, fire department, and police department, and even road maintenance, it won't be long before calling 911 gets an automated message, because we can no longer afford to actually staff those services either).

Who Put The Bug Up Your Ass?

If you still have a bug up your ass thinking Americans "need" guns, then ask yourself who put the bug there? Was it the NRA? Was it Fox News? The local Republican candidate? Was it the guy running the local gun shop? Was it anyone at all who benefits from getting you to spend money buying guns, or benefits from you being a frightened, paranoid, distrustful bastard? Gosh, imagine they might have an agenda to feed you shit and screw with your head by stuffing that bug up your ass?

I don't care if you want to own a gun. Just don't be naïve or stupid about it, and definitely don't be an ignorant dick about it.


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