Wednesday, March 4, 2015

People Fascinate Me: However some things are not meant to go up the butt

Searching General's Warning: Go read that header again, and decide if you want to proceed, because I ain't putting up with complaints if you feel disturbed (or even bored) after continuing to read.

I'm a broad-minded person. People fascinate me. Especially the things that people do that require a lot of thought and effort.

Getting a PhD, for example, requires years of concentration and focus (yes, even the people who take ten years, because they keep changing focus).

Getting a collection of tattoos requires thought and planning at some level. The first simple tribal image might be a daft drunken accident, but the many-colored religious faith images across the hand and wrist didn't happen overnight.

I can, in some way even understand how people can go to all the effort to become racists, or classists, or just generally assholes (and really, being a big asshole requires putting effort into it). I think very little of these people and their selfish emotional security blanket stupidity, but I can understand how they fall into it.

But, there are some things I can't understand. There are some things that I can only imagine come from being mentally damaged.

There is no Olympic event for "Shoving Things Up Your Butt." * However, clearly there are people who TRAIN their bodies for this very thing. And then they post the pictures on the Internet. I mean, I just. Eh. Um. Ew. Even I can't fathom this one.

And, just so we're clear: men do this, too. The infamous "goatse" was a guy.  And I'm not talking about anal sex, which is practically vanilla anymore. Been there, none of your business.

However, I can only assume this requires a certain kind of mental illness for somehow to say "You know what I'd really like to do? I'd like to spend hours every week training my internal organs to stretch, distend, and move the Hell to one side, because - in defiance of millions of years of evolutionary engineering - I really want to shove a watermelon up the wrong end of my digestive track and post pictures of it on the Internet! Whee!"

And, seriously, apparently it is possible - with training! - to eventually - without causing injury during the event - insert an 18-inch long object into the human body via the anus. There are so many things wrong with how anyone can know that.

Get help people. That's a really unhealthy thing to spend years of your life training for, and I am certain you will regret it, should you manage to survive to retirement age without killing yourself first.

Just, ew. Just stop; and get help.

* (If, Heaven forbid, there is an Olympic event for this, Do NOT correct me on this, I do NOT want to know. Really. Ewww.)

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