Tuesday, January 20, 2015

There Are Only Seven Countries in the World

I live in the United States of "What do you mean there are other countries in the world"?

You know it, and I know it. There are only seven countries in the world.

  1. United States - US, baby!
  2. Japan - funny looking cartoon characters;
  3. India - tech support for everything;
  4. Britain - Dr Who - get on that next episode you lazy bastards;
  5. China - any place that makes cheap consumer goods is "China";
  6. Mexico - where all the dark-skinned people come from (yeah, even the ones we imported-in-chains from Africa in the 19th century);
  7. "Arab Land" - where all "Islamamuslims" come from. "Kenya" is just a city in "Arab Land";

Anything else is just a figment of our deranged imagination, because I live in the land of Fox Nation, Under God, indivisible except by superior firepower, and fuck those fascit pigs who think they can take my gun from my cold dead fingers, so help me Jesus!

I  live in the land where 46%  of people  think Genesis  is Real! Because it is! And the Bible can validate anything I want to believe, including that Jesus hates dirty homeless people, and welfare whores hate their babies, and the meek shall inherit the Earth therefore the rich deserve tax breaks and  the poor get drug tests!

Fuck you if you're poor, because obviously you don't want to work hard enough, but if I invest $100,000 when I'm young and never, ever, spend any of the cap gains, I bloody well should be able to leave my children a cool $1million without anyone  having to pay any fucking taxes - take that you undeserving lazy poor people!

My faith is so strong that I can ignore your science! I can ignore your reason! I can ignore your common sense!  All while using Twitter! And the Internet! And flying on airplanes! And  using internal combustion engines that run on refined "fossil fuels" and reading my Bible printed on dead trees, because God made all this happen, fuck your so-called science that can't even explain where the soul came from!

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